The Real Me v/s The Mommy Me!

I am a social media animal, a big chunk of my life is shared on social media. Sometimes through my blog, at other times via my Facebook, twitter or Instagram accounts.  I like sharing facets of my life through social media with my ‘online’ friends and family and doing that makes me happy. However, some of the responses on my pictures/posts have always made me ponder over them.

Oftentimes, the response that makes me ponder goes like this “you are an awesome mom” or “your son is lucky to have you for a mom” or “you guys are always doing such fun stuff” or “I wish my kids and I did such fun activities” so on and so forth. Although it makes me really happy to be on the receiving end of such comments and my family does get to do a lot of fun things, which I never take for granted, things aren’t always rainbows and unicorns over here.  These comments at times make me a little uncomfortable. I wonder if my sharing aspects of my life gives out a wrong picture of who I am or what it is that goes on in my life.

What most people probably don’t know or realize is that there is a constant struggle going on inside of me. A struggle going on between me and my alter ego or rather the ‘real’ me and the mommy in me. They say that every woman changes once she becomes a mom. I don’t know how far I would agree with that. Yes of course, there is a huge shift in our priorities.  Everything that was once important for you changes to what’s best for your child. When earlier we think that a particular decision was best suited for us, now we think from the POV of our child(ren) of what is best suited for them!

So does that mean that we have entirely changed? Well, I did say No! I did say that what have changed are our priorities!

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I guess what I am trying to say here is that in spite of becoming a mother I am still very much ME. There are times when I struggle with the chores of being a mother. Yes, I just called them ‘chores’ and I don’t mean it in a bad way. Why should it be perceived in a bad way? After all, if you look deep inside every woman who is a mother you will see the struggles she faces on a daily basis as a mother yet never talks about and keeps to herself.

Back to those comments and about why they make me uncomfortable. There are numerous reasons I can point out but I don’t need to list them here. What I am trying to do is draw your attention to the fact that every time I see those comments I wonder if I really ‘deserve’ them. My thought process goes into an overdrive and the struggle between the Real Me and the Mommy Me starts all over again. A typical conversation in my mind goes like this:

Real Me: “Oh look! You have given a wrong picture of yourself to the world yet again!” while cringing at the comment.

Mommy Me: “What? What do you mean wrong image? Are you trying to say that I am not a good mother?”

 Real Me: “Not really, but you certainly are not the best mom out ther!

Mommy Me: “That’s quite true and you know that is because of you. You are not always doing things for your son! You also want to do things for yourself”

Real Me:  “Yea! So what’s wrong with that? Everyone wants to do things for themselves and be happy?”

Mommy Me: “No, that’s not true about mothers!”

Real Me:  “And how would you know that?”

Mommy Me: “Well, just look at XYZ’s picture/blog post/ tweet etc”

Real Me: “Well, it looks pretty similar to all the things I would say or do. So why does it make any difference if I do or share something nice?”

Mommy Me:  “Wait a minute! Does that mean you make other women and mothers reading this feel this way?”

R & M together: “Sigh!!”

Now, why does this conversation that goes on in my mind bother me so much? For 2 particular reasons; one being that I am tired of telling the Mommy Me to stop feeling the guilt and trust her own instincts while raising her child and two being that I don’t want to be one of those women who come across as a ‘Super Mom’ who knows and does everything right, simply because the truth is much further than that.

I am NOT a super mom and at most times I do not know what it is that I am expected to do. I need both the real me and the mommy me to have a deep and insightful conversation in my mind before I can decide on something for my child. Sometimes, it works out well for him and at other times it results in disastrous (OK that’s a little bit of exaggeration) situations.

It’s a daily struggle for me. I want to be a good mom who is watching his every move and hearing every word because, as we’ve all been told, these moments pass all too quickly. I want to watch every musical act my son performs. I want to laugh at every joke and play every game with him.

But I also want to take care of me. Do all those things that makes me, the Real Me, happy! And taking care of me, though, requires a break which is not always possible.

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Being a mom is the best job in the world. It is rewarding and magical at times. For most women, though, it is also a daily battle to find the balance between informing our kids we are always available while sometimes our sanity wishes we weren’t. In such a case would it be right to offer them the ‘Super’ Mom title?

So what do I do? I let the struggle and the banter continue! Sometimes I let the real me win and at other times I let the Mommy part win. In a way, it is this struggle that gives me the strength to keep going.

(Image Source: Unsplash and tblankinchip.wordpress.com)

21 thoughts on “The Real Me v/s The Mommy Me!

  1. Oh my word, as I read this post it was as if you’ve been in my head. There are some days I feel as if I am fraudulent. Painting pictures of smiley moments when there are lots of children squabbles to separate, tears and all. It’s refreshing to read this Rashmi.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it is wonderful knowing you haven’t lost your identity because you have a child. Some women go into mother mode and lose their identity. A woman can continue being herself and still be a great mother. Be well my friend. Best wishes to you and your son.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You spoke my heart out Rashmi. I too find myself in that divide a lot of times. Life has just become a balancing act….trying to steal some time to find the ‘Real Me’ while performing the duties and responsibilities of ‘mommy me’. It’s a truly difficult task but I have realized that the pursuit of that perfect balance is unnecessary as there is no perfect balance…’to each his own’ is the mantra. But I guess feeling guilty is of no help for sure. So stay calm and happy with whatever is manageable!! Beginning to write was my first step towards finding the Real me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Relax it’s OK to feel so, being a mom I can relate to this. At times I feel I just need a break and do things that I love but obviously child need your attention all the time. Somehow I manage to get some ME time for myself and it feels good to do things that I find relaxing like painting or doing some craft work. After some ME time I find myself refreshed more energetic.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your vulnerability makes you so human. in my eyes this is the way we can really share about life. Thanks. Keep balancing and keep making time for yourself, then you will be the best mum you can be.

    Like

  6. There is no precise definition of “me”. That is like saying the occupation we have is the (only) definition of who we are. What happens if you lose your job? Do you instantly become a non-entity? Mom is an aspect. So is Healer (of hearts, skinned knees). Homemaker. Cook. Chauffeur, Artist… Really all components of an individual. Reflection is beneficial. The comments of others are only worth considering if they are said with kindness. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Other peoples’ opinions of me are none of my business.”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I sometimes wonder what exactly our families and friends expect to see on Facebook and the like. We always used to get comments about how our boys always look so happy and smiley in photos… well, who takes photos of their kids being unhappy, or grumpy, or throwing a tantrum?? We have to kick into parent mode at that point, and I wouldn’t dream of sharing that (unless it was particularly funny… and sometimes they go into “comedy strop” mode!). Anyone who thinks that what we share on those forums is anything but a tiny percentage of reality is misguided… except for the obsessive tweeters, life tends not to be lived online!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. You spoke the heart’s of millions of mothers Rashmi…. being a mother itself is a blessing, as you get to mould your child’s life. After being a mother, if you can make time to be yourself, you are doing nothing wrong and ofcourse Its definitely the need if the hour. We get entagled, so the “me” shall help refreshing self….loved reading your post

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I feel you on this. My blog is generally about parenting, so I talk about my kids a lot and having two kids under five means I’m constantly doing kid stuff.

    I love it but of course worry about maintaining my ow identity. Most of my friends don’t have children, and it feels like there’s a bit of a divide now.

    It can be a little tricky, because when I discuss the rough parts of raising kids it can sound like I’m complaining. When I talk about the joys, it can come across as holier-than-thou.

    I think we are all doing the best we can and no one really knows the answers. Even the experts change their minds every few years.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Interesting post which is very true. I try to always be honest and true to myself in what I write. My personality is usually bright, cheerful and optimistic – but naturally at times I’m a miserable cow 😁 accept those lovely comments you receive – I’m sure they’re well deserved xx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You are so right, it’s so hard to be a mom and balance a career and although it’s nice to hear compliments, sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable because really, we’re all just doing the best we can given the circumstances, whatever they may be! And sometimes I feel women are harder on each other than is necessary. We need to be supportive, whatever people choose…

    Liked by 3 people

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