Top 10 Funniest One Liners

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Image ©Mind and Life Matters

I have always envied people who can do humor well particularly the ones who can write them. Trust me it’s no easy feat. I have tried and failed miserably especially while talking to friends who say’s something funny and all I want is to retort with a quickie. These so-called ‘quickies’ always elude me when I need them, it comes to be after a whole hour sometimes! Ugghhh…I know!

The reason I mention this is because of a certain incident with a friend of mine. He said something weird and I took almost 15 minutes before I retorted with a funny one-liner. But he disqualified my retort stating that it was not a quickie! 😛 😀

So, I committed to educating myself in some really funny one-liners and as usual turned to the internet for help. What I saw really tickled my funny bones and I decided to share it with you lovely people for this week’s Top 10 Tuesday feature.

Here’s my list of Top 10 Funny One Liners from the Internet!

  1. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

This one has got to be my all-time favorite one-liner! 😀

  1. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Good question! I have been wondering for a while now! 😉

  1. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Happens to me all the time! 😛

  1. You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Yes, true that – the group don’t want you in the picture! 😀

  1. Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Absolutely – give them what they deserve! Don’t you agree?

  1. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Yes – very true in my case at least! 😀

  1. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

**Bwwaahhhaaa** that’s my evil grin!

  1. My girlfriend’s dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.

Nope! That’s never going to be the right answer for a dad! 😛

  1. Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

Especially in the festive season, it has only been saying goodbye…!! Hmmmm!

  1. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Trust me, they will dig you out of your grave and make you pay! 😛

Hope you enjoyed my list of one-liners. These are all from the internet and I take no ownership for any of them. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I am terrible with coming up with my own on liners. Maybe I should just memorize these and use it whenever I can!

What about you? Are you good with humor? Let me know.

35 thoughts on “Top 10 Funniest One Liners

  1. P.S. If you like my list of top ten offensive One-Liners, you can use it and tweek it. I stole half if those from other sources.

    #hearthstone #thegrinchwhostolechristmas #xiaolinshowdown #myexboyfriend #yesimamerican #sorrysweetheart

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ten Most Offensive One-Liners:

    10. You’re 25 going on 50.

    9. You’re more of a pain in my ass than a (gay) Swed.

    8. What did you eat? 10 burritos! God Almighty where’s the potpourri?

    7. With you, I’m not sure whether I’m coming out of a nightmare or going into one!

    6. If I had a choice between you or a sea-sick crocodile, I would pick the sea-sick crocodile.

    5. If you ain’t for real, then you better bounce because honey badger don’t give a shit.

    4. You throw like a Caucasian female!

    3. You smell like a Leper Gnome!

    2. Your mother was a Murloc.

    1. Donald Trump, your mouth resembles your personality because you’re both assholes.

    #offensive #top10 #sorrymindandlifematters #hijackedpost

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yea these are all from the internet. I’m hopeless with one liners. I read some really funny ones but they were offensive so I chose not to share them here.
    Some people are really good with these like my sister, she knows exactly when to say and how to say it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As funny as these sayings are, I found most of these on twitter. The first one was pretty good. I can think of one-liners left and right, but they are offensive. And, one of my exes always had great ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My all time favourite – of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most! (not mine)
    My most frequently used one – Sorry, didn’t hear that. I suffer from selective hearing! (original)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. My all time favourite – of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most! (not mine)
    My most frequently use – Sorry, didn’t hear that. I suffer from selective hearing! (original)

    Liked by 1 person

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